Overcoming Hindrances to Intimacy with God
by Jim Murphy

(This is an edited transcription of a talk given by Jim Murphy at the WWCCR Leaders and Helpers Day of Formation in January 2006.)

It is God’s will for us to have intimacy with him. In his Apostolic Letter, Novo Millennio Ineunte, Pope John Paul II says:

"Prayer develops that conversation with Christ which makes us his intimate friends: ‘Abide in me and I in you’ (Jn 15:4). This reciprocity is the very substance and soul of the Christian life, and the condition of all true pastoral life. …Prayer can progress, as a genuine dialogue of love, to the point of rendering the person wholly possessed by the divine Beloved, vibrating at the Spirit’s touch, resting filially within the Father’s heart. This is the lived experience of Christ’s promise: ‘He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him’" (Jn 14:21). (NMI 32,33)

Why don’t we experience this kind of intimacy? The basic problem is original sin. Original sin was not part of the original plan. The original plan was for us to live in paradise, in complete intimacy with God and one another. When original sin entered the scene separation took place. We can experience this separation in ourselves, between us and others, and also between ourselves and God.

By the grace of Jesus Christ dying on the cross and through baptism, the deadly power of original sin has been destroyed. Yet the effects of original sin remain. Let’s look at a few specific areas that are common that hinder us from being intimate with God.

Perceptions of Self & God

I worked with a man a while ago and talked to him about the love of God the Father. Once we were praying together and I said, "Close your eyes and see the Father coming towards you." The man broke out into a sweat and got up and left the room. When I asked him about what happened he said, "My dad was an alcoholic and he used to beat me. When you told me to see my Father, I saw the guy who used to hit me with a 2 x 4 and knock me down the basement steps." Is my friend’s perception of God accurate? No, it’s not. But can you see how he came to that conclusion?

Most of the things that we learn about ourselves and our life are learned in the context of the created world. Studies have found out that when people have had problems with authority figures in their life, it is natural for them to perceive that this is also what God is like.

I know another man who told me that he had an older brother who was really smart. One time in the fifth grade he was at the chalkboard and he didn’t know what to do. The teacher said, "You are nothing like your brother. He’s smart and you’re stupid" and all the kids started laughing. Now in his mid-40’s he says, "I guess she was right." One word, one phrase, one moment has completely redefined who he is.

A lot of us feel unworthy of love. What we forget is that love isn’t about worth; it’s about the lover. God loves you, whether or not you are worthy. But when we talk about self perception, unfortunately we always focus on self. We find ourselves hearing again how bad or how stupid or what a burden we are. Even when the true voice of God says, "I love you," we are so conditioned to defend ourselves against anything coming in that we can’t accept God’s love either.

Guilt: A Disconnect between God’s Call and Our Life

Guilt is a sense of being disconnected or being out of order. It’s an uneasy feeling about something you have done.

A current thinking in our culture is that guilt is bad: God is good and he forgives everything, so if you are feeling guilt, then it can’t be from God. But the truth is that if you are feeling guilt, it may be the Spirit of God convicting you to shape up! When we feel disconnected from the love of God in our situation, whether accurate or inaccurate, our tendency is to back away from God.

Shame

Shame is an extremely deep, long-term, defining wound to the human spirit. Shame is not earned or deserved.

Shame is even more deadly than guilt because guilt is feeling bad about an action, while shame is feeling bad about your person. It’s a mortal wound to the soul. In shame, when I see this perfect, loving God who has invited me to come to him, all I can do is run and hide, because I couldn’t stand to be in that kind of love. What I need more than anything else is love; what I fear more than anything else is love.

The story of Don Quixote is about a nobleman who was a little "off." One night, he and his servant, Sancho, stopped in a tavern and met a barmaid named Eldanza. When she is not working in the bar she is also a prostitute. Don Quixote immediately falls in love with her. He is convinced that she is a princess. He serenades her with love songs and he gives her a new name, Dulcinea. Meanwhile, she’s dumping her chamber pot down on his head and throwing
rocks at him. He brings her flowers and she throws them at him. Don Quixote calls to her, "You are a princess!" She yells back, "Shut up, you crazy old man, you don’t know who I am!" Then she runs away from him. That is shame. When we are confronted with love and tenderness, we pick up rocks and throw them because it is terrifying to be loved.

In the end, Don Quixote is dying, lying in bed with all the nobility of Spain standing nearby. A beautiful woman appears at the doorway and the whole room watches as she walks in dressed in a fine gown and jewels. Sancho asks her, "My lady, may I help you?" She asks, "I wish to see the Don Quixote." "Yes, my lady. May I say who is calling?" She says, "Tell him that Dulcinea is here." He runs off to Don Quixote. All the people are saying, "Is that Dulcinea? We thought that the old man was making her up." She walks into the room and she goes to the bed to take Don Quixote’s hand and he says, "Dulcinea, is it you? In my heart of hearts I always knew that you’d come back to me." She picks him up and holds the old man in her arms. "Yes, Don Quixote, I finally remembered who I really am. So I have returned to you." And he dies in the arms of his princess.

God is Don Quixote and you and I are all the Eldanzas, throwing rocks, telling him that he is crazy and has the wrong person. "There’s no way I could be noble. There is no way there is anything good in me. I’m not worth loving. The rest of the world knows that I am a loser. God, even you can’t love me."

Do you see how devastating this is? Can you see why some people could go through the motions of a spiritual life, but never get there? This residue of shame repels the love of God.

The Fear of Cost; the Fear of Commitment

The fear and cost of commitment asks, "What if?..." I don’t know what God might ask of me. Because of original sin, there is also something innate in us that make us selfish. I do want my cake and eat it too! I want God and I want the world! I want it all! If I give God everything, is there going to be anything left for me?

Busyness & Distractions

When it comes to busyness, our culture is on the edge of lunacy. We are forcing ourselves to handle more things than we were built to do, and we are losing at every level. Sometimes it feels like God is just another thing on our "to do" list. I don’t mean that in a disrespectful way, but some times he becomes just one more person to handle in our life.

The underlying question is: What is really important? What defines me? What gives me my value? Ideally, what defines us is our relationship with God. Instead, we often define ourselves by our accomplishments, by our positions, and by our material possessions.

Are we asking the Lord, "What do you want me to do? What don’t you want me to do? Are you calling me to this or to that?"

Pride and Self-Sufficiency

Have you even been lost and would rather drive around for 30 more minutes than to stop and ask for directions? On a grander scale, some of us would rather be lost than to ask God for help. Some would rather say, "Let me work through this, God, and then I’ll be worthy to come to you."

When I gave my life to Christ, one of my obstacles was that I said to God, "Let me get my act together and then I will come to you." The Lord said, "You come to me as broken as you are and I’ll help you get your act together. If you wait to get your act together first, you’ll die in your sin." Our pride doesn’t want us to be indebted to God. We want to come to God as equals, not as debtors.

The Evil One

The devil’s only purpose is revenge and rebellion against God. If you want to hurt someone, you hurt the people they love. In a certain sense, even though the devil’s after you, he’s doing it to get back at God. He works at opposing you coming closer to God and he uses all of the areas listed above to stand between you and the Lord. He’s constantly discouraging us. He’s lying to you about God and lying to you about yourself.

How to deal with these Hindrances

How do we, with faith and trust in God, address these issues. Here are some practical things that you can do to cooperate with God, to move from hindrance to wholeness.

Prayer

Jesus said to Bartimaeus (Mark 10:46), "What do you want me to do for you?" Bartimaeus said, "I want to see!" When the Lord says to you, "What can I do for you?" say, "I’m struggling here and I need your help, Lord!" Scripture also says, "Cast your cares upon the Lord, for he cares for you." (1 Pet. 5:7) Pray, pray, pray for grace.

Inner Healing

Inner healing prayer is a gift from God. It applies the mercy of God to the areas of brokenness in our lives. When you are looking for prayer ministers look for people of discernment and maturity.

Scripture

Take one line of scripture about God or his love for you. Write it out on an index card and keep it with you. When you first wake up in the morning, read the line out loud to yourself. Read it out loud three times at noon and again before you fall asleep at night. Any other time that you are having difficulty, take out that card and read it again. Doing that has changed my life and those scriptures have been carved into my heart. The word of the Lord is truth. If you fill yourself with the word of God it will help you know who you really are.

Soaking prayer

Soaking prayer is very safe for everybody. You make an agreement with a few people to meet once a week, for 6-8 weeks, for about 20 minutes, for them to place their hands on you and pray in tongues. They won’t prophecy over you or call you to repentance. You don’t have anything to do but to sit there and relax. You are being soaked in prayer in the Spirit. I have seen extraordinary things happen.

Another form of soaking prayer is to go before the Blessed Sacrament to sit for 20-30 minutes in silence and let God soak you with his love.

Counseling

Some Christians think of counseling as a worldly thing and that if they really had faith, they wouldn’t need to use the methods of the world. However, the Catholic Church teaches that all wisdom comes from God. Sometimes counseling can do what these other things can’t do.

Healing by Association

Try to spend time around people who have a zeal for God and who are generous, kind, and positive people. Sometimes I have found healing just by spending time with certain godly people.

Sacraments

If sitting before the Blessed Sacrament can be healing, then receiving the Blessed Sacrament can be life. Take advantage of the sacraments as often as possible.

Conclusion

When we are looking at the obstacles that keep us from intimacy with God, usually it’s not just one—most of us have some kind of combination of all these. The evil one is always using human weakness against us. But the Lord is "able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." (Ephesians 3:20)

For more information about how to deal with the hindrances in your life you may purchase the CD # 2243 "What Hinders Us from Coming" or #2244 "Getting Past the Hindrances" from WWCCR. For more information about healing prayer, prayer teams, or prayer groups in our area, contact WWCCR at 206-364-2272 or info@wwccr.org. For information about the next Leaders & Helpers Meeting, click here.